I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
