i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
