I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
