Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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