I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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