I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
