your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
