Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
