Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
