Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
