why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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