Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
