I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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