the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
