As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
