Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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