look no pants
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
