note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
