I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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