I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
