Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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