she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
