I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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