Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
