Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
