What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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