I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
