I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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