is your mom at the bar?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
