i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize