so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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