dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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