How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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