I wish I could teleport
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
