if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tell her she can't have a vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
