Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
