I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
