They should really pass out barf bags in church
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
