At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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