New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
