my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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