She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
