so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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