Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
