I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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