It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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