I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
