So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
