:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
