You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
