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May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
