please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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