maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
...so i touched it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
