she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
