dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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