I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
