it hurts more in the daytime
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
