He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
