we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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