so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
