Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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