bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
