epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
