Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
