oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
