Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize