I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
