I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
