Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't turn off my feet"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
