you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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