it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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