I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
