I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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