I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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