I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
